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One of my life’s pleasures March 4, 2010

Posted by sunflower71 in Uncategorized.

I think the art of giving up life’s pleasure or that, that gives us satisfaction in general, is perfected on becoming a mother.

Over the years and over successive pregnancies (I’ve had 3) I had to give up more and more and even some more of what left there was.  After TP was born I gave up full-time employment keeping only freelance work (that I’ll write about some other time) .  Nurseries are not very common here and anyway most childcare arrangements for very young babies are for the richer amongst us.  At the time it felt like the most natural thing to do.  I enjoyed having some time for me before the baby came and even after, I enjoyed having all day to do what needed to be done….

My time was occupied with the baby, and my mind with the baby too of course, but  at the time I was reading a Diploma in Educational Administration & Management. I am a qualified teacher and this was a furthering of my studies.  

TC was not planned but that pregnancy was not easy. I mean nothing very very terrible but TP was only 8 months old when I understood I was pregnant again.  5 months into that pregnancy I started having a terrible pain somewhere between my pelvis and my back.  This pain started after I came back from a trip to the UK and Germany.  My gynae, as my doctor, suggested that I needed to rest on my left side for a week and the pain will be gone. As my friend, he suggested I take more care of my self and focus on soon having not 1 but 2 babies to take care of.  So I rested and sure enough the pain subsided.  I also started taking it more slowly…at the time meaning that i gave up a project that I had worked on for over 6 months and finding an alternative to my research for my dissertation that I was working on (part of the Course of studies).  I remember that it had  been a very terrible day that one.  I remember crying endlessly… that my man who can usually handle even my worse, called my mum to come over (not a simple thing for her … taking a bus – 15 minutes, a ferry – 30 minutes, bus – 50 minutes or so, then 10 minute walk to us).  I know that day I cried, not at the loss of the project itself but I cried because I realised that:

1.  I’m no longer my own boss.

2.  I can no longer take decisions according to what I would like or would not like to do.

3. I had failed to take into consideration my own children (one still to be born).

4.  That for the future, I could no longer think as I had in the past, that I could take on any project that took my fancy or came my way.

5.  That I was primarily, secondly, and thirdly a mother to my children. full stop. There was no more space in my life.

I think that this injury was my turning point in my life as a mother.  I think it was at this point that my mind got the ‘mother’ settings right.

I had other very low points…. one even lower… but that’s for another time.  

Having given it all up, and by all, I really mean all, it is now back to the simple things that light up my day and make it interesting.

Such as what happened today.  I have a journalist friend (really she was a friend, then colleague, and now a found-again-very-dear-friend) that I sometimes meet up with in the morning.  Well today she crossed my mind at the same time I heard my mobile give its ‘new sms for you’ sound (how I love that sound…. I say to myself… ah someone has thought of me today… only to find, more often than not, that it is the service provider with one of its offers of cheap tickets to some concert by someone I never heard of).  It was from her!  Asking me if I was too busy to meet up. Too busy? As if? Of course, ‘see you soon’.  So I hurried through the usual chores (handing up the washing, picking up toys from the floor, starting the preparations for dinner, making the beds, preparing lunch for TS,…) to have enough time to shower (it’s not always a given that I have time to shower… it often needs planning and stealing time to go through a basic thing such as a shower…. and I don’t mean a leisurely one either).

My cherry on the cake today: us finding a table in the sun at the best cafe in town!



1. maureen - March 5, 2010

I really understand what you feel/felt about giving up your previous life…you know my story now. all women have to adapt to motherhood once it happens, but some of us literally are forced to start completely different lives.it’s not easy, but worth the pain and tears.in your case, three-fold!

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