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Friendships and Friends have changed? April 27, 2010

Posted by sunflower71 in Uncategorized.
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I was inspired to write about this subject by this post by a fellow mummy blogger I follow.  I really like how she writes and what she writes about…. basically about what she is going through but that in itself is interesting enough.  Have a look….

Over the last 5 years, that is since having our first child, then the second and finally our third, friendships has taken a different dimension.  I’m referring her to my own friendships not those we have as a couple.  I stopped working so all work related socializing immediately stopped.  Over the years a friend or two that I knew from work kept up the contact and even though we are at different places in our lives, our friendship is there and we know we can count on each other. Other friends moved or moved on but some remained.  In the mean time I made some others… women who have kids my own age and with whom conversation is often about our kids.

I have to admit that I often find myself craving for a chat over a cup of coffee, a chat that is about nothing or everything except on kids and their progress.  I want to talk about me, what I’m missing from how my live was before kids, about boyfriends (theirs), clubs, restaurants, shoes and clothes, new diet fads or books….anything really between life and death except kids.  Of that topic I have enough, I live and breathe it day and night.

I think the obstacles are mainly that friends who are not married or don’t have children seem not to want to be with me any more.  Maybe they think that I’m going to bore them with talk about the kids and my man.  But really please I’m not going to do that.  There are far more interesting things to talk about.  Maybe I should pick up my courage and the right moment (if it will ever pass us by before we die) and let them know.  Huh…. that said…. I feel better.

Then the other sort, the friends who had kids when I was still enjoying single life and who now have teenage kids.  Do they think I’m going to talk diapers and they obviously moved beyond that…. or is it maybe that without realizing I actually talk only diapers when we meet so they consequently avoid me.  Huh…. that said too….I feel better still.

Hey but this is a public blog not my handwritten diary and someone might read this and see themselves in the words above.  Better…. then I don’t have to verbally say anything. 

One thing for sure is that changes on different levels have taken place… people change as do circumstances….I had a very deep and sincere conversation on the miserably slow chat on facebook with my friend who lives a couple of time zones away last night but I can’t have a decent chat at my favourite cafe with my friend who lives a couple of streets away.

Because we can’t have the cake and eat it.  But heavens why not?

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Comments»

1. 1950s Housewife - April 27, 2010

Sunflower – great post response!
I just read an amazing phrase which is ‘some friends are for a reason, some for a season, some for the rest of your life.’

I don’t know why, but it struck a chord with what you have just written.

sunflower71 - April 28, 2010

amazing you should think of that phrase… it’s one of my mottos.

2. gozo77 - April 28, 2010

i was actually thinking of the same phrase while i read through this post…plus i believe that having a different set of friends to accompany us during different phases of our lives is very healthy for one’s self…
while its nice to have friends that see us grow up and transform ourselves, sometimes we are held back (and not allowed to transform, grow, mature, evolve…) by the same people through the fear of ruining the friendship-statusquo…
all this is also being said within the context of the joy and excitment of getting to know new people, connecting with them and sharing daily experiences
plus i still have trouble coming to terms with why we try to get it all from one person? why not have different persons for different reasons? i have friends with whom i chat about guys; others for fashion talk; others for when i feel like a pint; others to talk about careers; others which i keep only to myself; work-based friends; etc….

sunflower71 - April 28, 2010

What a long comment! Thanks for your sharing 😉
What a coincidence you should think of the reason/season/lifetime phrase!


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